LGTB rant and my overstimulated mind at work

its getting late for me but i have A LOT on my mind to think about at the moment which is kind of irritating me.first of all this was popping into my head on my way to church. Those people who discriminate or dislike the livings of people who are bisexual gay lesbian or transgender WHY do you do that?why must you discriminate them?they arent "things" because of what sexual orientation they are.you may not like it but you cant control the world either whether you want to or not.people cant help but be themselves or at least most of them cant. i bet you dont even REALIZE how scary the coming out process is for someone who's gay or bi or lesbian or trans is!!!!YOU DONT KNOW!!!!!and if you dont know then why judge?it urrrggghhhsss me to the core!sooo many people out there are afraid to come out of the closet BECAUSE the fear of rejection by people.people who discriminate LGTB people are no better than bullies picking on little kids!its F*CKING ridiculous!its SICK how closed minded some people are!!!!i mean if god "hates" everyone then WHY does he let temptation run the earth?WHY are there more than one religion?WHY are we not allowed to question the "higher power"?WHY is it a sin for two people of the same sex to sleep together?!WHERE is the prove that the previous question will send you to hell?WHY are LGTB people told that they are hated when people say god loves everyone?and if god loves everyone then does that mean he loves jews?hitler?people in jail?bullies?i mean really somethings that come out of peoples mouths are just one contradiction tripping over another!i mean really?god "hates" LGTB people but doesnt hate the people who kill?!makes no sense.my personal opinion is you should really keep an open mind.like really you should.there might be a LGTB friend or family member thats DYING to tell you but afraid of you're rejection.

ok so onto what im thinking about....im thinking about religion and my sexual orientation and family and my future and what not.my current sexual orientation is bi sexual(which is what started the rant above).i mean i have gotten crap for bein bi.it sucks and its not fun and its definately hard as hell to be proud of yourself when everyone looks at you in disgust.i have been thinking recently about past relationships and i've had more girlfriends than boyfriends and i seem to understand boys more when im just friends with them.when it comes to dating im kind of lost.they all seem to search for something specific and it always makes us clash.as far as girlfriends go i've had one bad relationship.the rest were pretty dang terriffic which makes me question if im truely bi.i mean i dont check out guys or girls.i dont look at someones butt or boobs as they walk past me.maybe its weird that i dont do that but its just me.i dont get attracted by someones looks but by their personality.some people if im attracted by looks(which is rare on my behalf) i try and read them a little by how they act and dress.i've been more attracted to girls though than guys.i cant figure out if im truely attracted to men or if its just something i do for show....which sounds horrible....but its really not for show.it just feels like it for me....its really confusing....im confused!going on to religion.my family is christian but maybe, if you can tell by my rant, im not to sure im christian myself.im not sure what religion i am.im not sure how to figure it out or IF i even want to.im changing subject to bring up something.friday i went to karaoke with my "sisters".i put the quotes because they arent my blood sisters but i grew up with them and they feel like my sisters. it was brittany's birthday wed so they were having a party for her then.it was great to catch up with my friend nick too.i missed him.i missed singing too. i enjoyed it a lot. that night i took pictures and i mean lots of pictures of myself.it was the first time in a long time i actually felt "beautiful".maybe it was just a singing high but i did.i felt like my old self again.with my makeup and my hair.i'm thinking im actually back or going back to that place again.the good place where i was happy with things.i hope so.i hope it lets me start over again as well.