getting unstuck

im definately falling behind on things -__-' my bad....LOTS has been going on that i myself cant even keep track of this madness! ITS FLYING OFF THE HANDLE!!!!!i feel sick i feel stressed i feel moody i feel this i feel that....i feel i feel i feel....i feel lost.i feel like im losing my grip on life on reality on my hopes and dreams.i feel like a failure.i feel like a bum.i feel like im never good enough.but i also never want any of this to escape.i never want to tell someone.i never want to just go out and get help from someone.i never want to go do something and worry about the consequences later.i never want to tell someone how i feel because im tired of being shut down.im tired of feeling.im tired of being lost.im tired of being stuck and it NEVER seems like i can get unstuck.it seems like i can move a little bit but not go anywhere.i feel like a hamster on a wheel that just keeps running and running without stopping, unable to stop!i feel like im sinking in quick sand and its just pulling me in deeper and deeper.i cant ever fight this because i cant ever win.

my biggest fear?  coming out to my family as who i am.....who i feel i am....who i'd like to live my life as.....

im transgender.i came out in april as Nikkalous.i havent started treatment or anything but i'd like to.i'd like to have the support and the back up and the protection so i know if i come out as Nikkalous and something backfires you have my back.i have your support.i have your love and care and compassion.you dont have to understand and you dont have to even like it or agree....but even the slightest bit of support without pointing fingers to my girlfriend would be astounding as the first step in this long process.i cant keep turning my back to people and i cant keep turning away from my fears....somethings gotta change and something is gonna give....where i make it give or not.