bullsh*t cookies O_o

ok soooooo....i KNOW i havent posted a blog in a long while.i apologize O_o i've been EXTREMELY busy....which surprises me cause i didn't think i'd be as busy as i have been.since the trip a LOT has been going on.i lost a "friend" recently.its nothing im upset about but the reasoning behind it is DEFINATELY stupid as hell.i wont get into it but once again....im not upset.its no skin off my nose.and i dont doubt that it makes me sound like some sort of bitch or something but its not the first time this has happened.will this "friend" keep their word on not wanting to speak with me again?no idea.but im free of this persons drama and bullshit and im quite happy with this.sorry if i sound like a bitch but im not going to sugar coat this.drama seeking people wo CONSTANTLY use the "im going to kill myself" card because shit in their life is not going their way is STUPID and RIDICULOUS and SOMETHING YOU DO NOT KEEP SAYING NOR DO YOU EVEN SAY IN A JOKING MANNER!!!!!you REALLY think no one cares?you really think ending your life is going to solve ANYTHING?!well guess what?it doesnt.its a selfish act that hurts everyone who loves and cares about you.there is always SOMEONE who cares about you.i dont like it when people joke around about it.

ok so happier notes :)

i have a girlfriend <3 i am VERY happy about this and i loves her a lot!i've been staying the night at her house a lot recently hence the not many blogs being posted.sorry :) gosh i wish i could put into words my feelings for her.it might make me sound weird but i've liked her liked her for awhile but i was always so scared to tell her because i didnt wanna look weird or get shot down or something.i could talk about her all day if i really wanted to....that makes me sound weird though.im such a freak :o we've been dating for a little over a week though and i can say im happy.she makes me forget all the bad stuff that i've been through in the past and she cares.she really really cares.she makes me cry tears of happiness and she's just all around the most amazing girl ever <3 sorry babe but i have to cut this one short or its gonna be a longer blog than it needs to be :) love you!

ok soo i was sick.getting better though!it started monday and progressively got worse.it went from just my stomach hurting me to EVERYTHING hurting and some other things that i wont go into great detail on.it was NOT pleasant and as i think of it i probably could've writting a blog during the time i wasnt sleeping....oops!my bad....sorry....i probably should think more on these things....then again i WAS sick and my head WAS clouded./grrr face.

....i covered the girlie,being sick,being busy....OH i almost forgot a couple things!
1)panic at the disco(if ANYONE listens to them)they will be having a new c.d. coming out(not sure when).im SOOOOO freaking estatic about this!!!!I WANT IT SOOO BAD <3

2)my cousin has a shirt selling business.i probably should've mentioned this awhile back but it's slipped my mind.i will post the link of the store site online.he has really good shirts at really cheap prices :) i encourage all to go check it out!

ok so on THAT note....imma go make cookies now <3 bye!

MBLGTACC 20ELEVEN....the recap!!!!

sooo as most of you know i went to a LGTBQQ connfrence that was held in Ann Arbor, Michigan.IT WAS AMAZING <3 it makes you want to be proud of being yourself!and no it was not all LGTBQQ people.they did have straight people there and god bless those straight allies for attending and for their love and support :) to anyone who is reading/reads my blog thank you for your support!it means a lot that people read this!

ok so about the confrence....
it was a LTBGQQ confrence held in Ann Arbor, Michigan. It was actually called MBLGTACC 20ELEVEN to be precise.it was not simply just called the LGTBQQ confrence held in Ann Arbor.

MBLGTACC stands for: 
Midwest
Bi-sexual
Lesbian
Gay
Trans
Ally
College
Conference

it was held at the University of Michigan. Thank you University of Michigan for lending over the campus for an amazing weekend for LGTBQQA students. God i dont think ANYONE knows how much of a blast i had! I WANNA COME BACK <3 but the next one can only be better :) gosh im SOOOO excited for it! Ok im kind of off topic at the moment so lets go back ON topic. The trip was amazing and definately worth the long cramped car ride there and back. I felt sooo happy and accepted! When we got to Ann Arbor after FINALLY getting ourselves back on track, we dropped our stuff off at the Inn we stayed at. The Inn was REALLY nice. We stayed in a suite. It was all girls in one room, all boys in another room, and our advisor in her own room. I definately reccomend the Residents Inn for anyone who is traveling and staying over night in Ann Arbor, Michigan. The first day, after we dropped off our stuff, we heading to Michigan Union. Michigan Union is the main building of University of Michigan and it held most of the events for the weekend. We went there and got ourselves registered and what not. Once we did that we walked around and got some thing to eat. The food at the place we ate at was CRAZY expensive....but good. THEY HAD A GRAPE CHANDILIER!!!! It was amazing! Once we ate we dropped our stuff off at the van then headed to a club that was around the corner for a rave. THAT was also amazing. Even if it was too dark for me to see a thing! lol i danced with my friends from club and i held onto a rail that marked off the dance floor since i couldnt see. I didnt want to dance and end up in the middle of the floor or something away from everyone then not be able to see my way back. we were there til like 1 am or a little after. most of us fell asleep once we got to the hotel which was close to 2 am if it wasnt 2 am. We tried discussing our agenda for that day(since it was past 12 am it was saturday). I followed jordy around since her and i have similar interest. we went to a workshop that revolved around stereotypes which was pretty interesting. they also talked a lot about icons. like gay icons. i liked the u-haul thing.i've never heard of it but i guess on the 2nd date a lesbian brings a u-haul to the date and they move in or something along those lines.lol im not entirely sure.i kept getting drowsy. Then we went to a gender queer one and that was AMAZING! Then we went to a hospitality room. i think i have those three in the wrong order....i think we went to the hospitality room first before the workshops....ANYWAY....we met the coolest people ever!the people there were so nice!there was a guy named Jay and he showed us a gender queer bathroom. MOST EPIC THING EVER! and he was soooo excited to show us! lol we tried getting a large group of people to play duck duck goose with us but it failed so we sat there and chilled and talked. then we WERE supposed to go to a vegitarian resturant with the club as a group but instead it failed and people went their own ways....as in our advisor and a couple other members were at the resturant and some of us were in other places. jordy, meg, jonnie, john, and i all ate in the basement of the Michigan Union building....IT WAS LIKE  A MALL FOOD COURT <3 it was another amazing thing on the trip. well jordy and meg and i took a bus to and from Michigan Union to drop off our stuff and head back....we had to RUN to go catch the bus before it left without us lol. Meg caught it for us and they had it wait a few mins for me to get on then we headed back to Michigan Building for the dance. We also watched a drag show and a fashion show. Jordy, Meg , Jay, Max, Troy, and I all played ninja too! lol it was amazing! THE FIRST TIME I'VE EVER WON! the dance was great! Then the next morning my leg was hurting bad and it was sunday and it was the day we were leaving :( soo i had problems walking AND i was sad that we had to leave. Jordy and i got some breakfast at the Michigan Union building.i had a very unhealthy frozen yogurt and some juice and a really icky cappiccino.ickkkkkkkkk but instead of meeting up with everyone again, jordy helped me to the hill auditorium since my leg was hurting and it would've taken us longer to get to the auditorium if we would've waited. The ending ceremony was great! it made me sadder that we had to leave after that though. When we were driving home it was pretty quiet. most of us slept then others were up doing whatever they felt like. meg lost the gas cap for the van(we found this out when we were filling up for gas almost home). it was pretty funny lol. before that(sorry for jumping around) we went to a japanese market for dinner :) it was yummy! then we went home.

i seriously cant wait for the next one :)

click click BOOM!!!!

at this time i currently feel very lost.im not too sure what i want or what im going to do about this but its not a good thing at all....errrr sooo it seems at least.that LGTBQQ trip thats in Ann Arbor, Michigan is almost tomorrow.by that i mean its 1 hour and 30 mins short of being a day away.its kind of scary.i mean i AM excited since the last time i did travel with friends WAS for band in the 8th grade but that was also for a performance i was REALLY looking forward to.this is just a convention and im still not entirely sure what to expect from it.GAHHHH IM THINKING SO PESSIMISTICALLY!!!!WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!maybe its my nervousness talking?and everyone's like "dont be afraid.its gonna be ok!"....its like i wish i knew HOW to control how i feel right now instead of being all over the place.i decided it would be best to take the morning off from my classes tomorrow though so i can pack and get ready and what nots.its not like it'll take long im sure but i am an insomniac so i dont get much sleep(especially during times like this when i have more than mountains of stress about things) sooo i DO have to try to sleep and get as much of it as possible for friday so i get up and THEN i have to figure out if i am staying the night at johns house the day before the trip.im actually debating.if i go then i can/might have a freak out moment,jordy wouldnt have to come get me,and everyone would see how funny i sleep.if i dont jordy will be coming to get me and i can/might have a freak out moment.ohhh the FUN of anxiety.

oh well.onto better things!like how today i went out shopping with meg and jonnie and jonnie bought me a little green skirt :) i LOVE it(thank you jonnie) and i got to help me at salvation army.we hung out with Cayli and Alanna for a bit too until they had to leave.it was fun!hopefully things dont go down the drain this week :/ i think i should just get my kingdom hearts 2 game going as i do my laundry and wait for jordy to get on.ttyl!

think clever....

so my panic mode is down....as of now.the trip for michigan is STILL ON for this weekend.im nervous and excited at the same time.nervous because there is supposed to be a lot of people going to this thing and that makes me a little uncomfortable.excited because i get to leave and live a little.sounds pathetic i know but its true.sooo im also sorry i havent updated recently.i didnt get home til sunday night.i was gone friday-sunday night and i didnt have my laptop(i will on the trip for updates).im not sure if i mentioned this in my last blog but on friday i went to my friend johns house/apartment thing.i went for a group function thing for gsa even though it wasnt official.it was more of a hang out/social thing.it wasnt through the school.it was ok though.it got boring from time to time and it started getting really uncomfortable so im just going to go with ok.when that ended though i went over to my friend jonnies house and meg tagged along with us.we sat in the basement and talked for awhile then meg left when she was tired and i stayed the night.then later that day jonnie's dad took us out to lunch.pats diner is amazing and yummy <3.i LOVE their hamburgers.after that we went back to jonnies to get somethings then my house then went to megs house for another sleepover.that was AMAZING!!!!!though i think i annoy the crap out of her and i feel like im always in her personal  bubble....yet she says she doesnt have a personal bubble and doesnt care.i tend to disagree but maybe its just me.it probably is me but oh well.i'll eventually snap out of it.i dont want to say i think shes lying but i think shes hiding something.once again it MIGHT just be me.another meeting tomorrow and class and....the trip is this weekend.i gotta find my suitcase and do laundry and pack and what not.i hope this week comes and goes....AND I HOPE ITS WARM!!!!!!

rofl copter

my 31st blog :) that 50 is creepin up on me for sure.sooo im really really sorry i havent kept updated in awhile.ive been in crisis mode since last blog :x why?today is a rec night for gsa(rec night is basically game night) and im FREAKING OUT(again) about going.im not sure why they scare me so much but sadly they do.im in more of a freak out mode because i filled my gas tank on sat and im already low and the only place i drive to and from is school mon-thurs.its like wtf?!granted on thursdays i drive there and back because of how long my break is but still.im kinda freaking out because im supposed to go to this and cronies tonight but gas is my mortal enemy(as of lately at least) and it doesnt help that gas prices are being raised.at least i have meg today!but im going to have to tell my dad(again) that my car is low on gas.fml.he's not going to be a happy man once he hears this.then again gas prices are through the roof and im not getting as much as i have for gas.ehhhhh life succkkkkssss....as of now at least.at least week i will be in michigan fri-sun and so school and driving wont be too much of a concern.i hope things go good today at least!

:o] friends and family

wow mk i have SOOOO much to tell :) that dance i went to on saturday was by FAR the most amazing gsa event i've EVER attended!!!!!megan is HILARIOUS when she has alcohol in her system.its ok she's got her friends and family close to her x) lol i met some really awesome and amazing people and megan being there was even better!every one was hilarious and i was basically myself for the first time in a very long time :) it felt really nice to come out of my shell with people i hardly know(other than megan).gahh i want to do more events like that with them :) i feel bad i didnt sell the bracelets but i was really nervous and didnt know what to expect so i figured i wouldnt bother.i will sell them again or we can bring them to the gsa convention thats almost a week away and sell them there.it might work ya never know.

meg took lots of photos and hearing her "drunk" was pretty damn funny.we went to a gay bar and as we were leaving i reminded her to get her purse and check to make sure she had everything then i had her do a soberiety test lol she missed her nose the first time and it was hilarious!OH OH OH i saw her turn red!!!!!it was adorable!and we played the dating game with everyone who was at the dance before hand which was also hilarious!i cant remember the question but there was a question and someone's answer was "kill the bitch".lmao best thing ever!!and family and friends lol that was amazing too.that whole night in general was just amazing <3 im soooo happy i went!im glad meg went im glad i met a bunch of people and im VERY glad i had a blast!i want to be apart of spectrum a lot more now!but im gonna need the money for that!

i also mentioned to megs that i felt like a weirdo since i know her well.lol i feel like a creep.she's just been really open though and im really glad i can actually be myself around her and tell her things :)ehh maybe i am crazy.i really really really loved the comment that a lady mentioned last night too.meg was messing around with a stress ball in the shape of a heart and then i wanted to try and when i gave up i gave it back to her and the lady next to meg was like "awwww you gave her your heart" and i was like "well she had it first....errr i mean the stress ball thing first".lol it makes me question things now XD or maybe im thinking too much.i changed my facebook profile(not blog page but personal page) to a picture i absolutely LOVE of meg and i.i give jordy credit.she might be right but im also not that sure i wanna know.ehh only time shall tell :)

wish me luck :X

ughh so week has been eventful in a bad way :/ lots of snow.my car getting stuck.a dance and a gsa gathering.a french test and a math test and a paper due in english.lol its a lot but i think the ONLY good day so far has been my thursday with jordy.that girl can really make me laugh.friday was great to the most part except when it turned 4.it all just seem to fall apart for me then.why? because we had a gsa event i wasnt very thrilled for or prepared for.my fear of people got in the way big time.ughh it was terrible.i was too afraid to speak or be around anyone AND on the way there with jordy meg jonnie and alexa i just bawling uncontrollably.i felt TERRIBLE that i was just bawling even if it was for an understandable reason.im glad jordy meg alexa and jonnie were at least concerened and trying to make me feel better.it was hard to do aynything yesterday honestly.i still feel bad that i bawled.i know i had a reason but still.i wish it never happened.well i get to go to a dance today which i am excited for but nervous at the same time.im more nervous and afraid than actually excited.i never met any of them but meg says they're good people and i have no reason to doubt her word.im supposed to go to sell bracelets for club.i havent figured out how im gonna go sell bracelets and not freak out.i kinda wanna have fun but idk if id get comfortable enough to do that.im kinda wondering if i can just return them and say i wasnt comfortable selling them which i kinda am not comfortable doing so.selling the bracelets tonight that is.ehhh maybe i should talk to jordy about it.im really just hoping that things will be ok tonight.thats all im really asking for.it doesnt have to be big and fancy or anything i just want a nice night.plus if i sell remaining bracelets what do i do with the tub and any money i have from sales?ughhh....maybe i can hand them to meg on monday or something and she can sell them at spectrum.she knows them there so she might be better at it lol